she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
