i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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