I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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