All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
