When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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