You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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