Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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