He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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