omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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