sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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