It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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