His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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