i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
