I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
