im having a threesome with these popsicles
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
No subtext here. People are naked.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
