Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
