He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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