Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
