Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
