It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
