Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
