just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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