That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
