That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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