Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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