my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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