maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Congratulations! We have a period
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
