Barsexuality is the new black.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
