so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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