just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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