She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
