i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
