I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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