I'm eating all of the evidence.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
