Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
