new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Green mimosas i think yes
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
