Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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