a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
