GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
