I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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