So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Randomize
