ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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