I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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