Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
