So drunk its hurt
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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