Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
