Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize