oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
