i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
