I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
