Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
