So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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