Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
