just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
