Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
