it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize