I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
