you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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