I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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