I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
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I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
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Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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