I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
then he tried to convert me to islam
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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