I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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