Me too!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
