I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
