He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
