So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
