But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
